Time only moves the way you do

laughing at clouds so dark up above

2011-01-14T03:29:00.000-08:00

My Grandfather is the strongest guy I know.

Orphaned during the Great Depression, He fought in WWII and won a purple heart.

He sings to my grandmother now. And he cooked last thanksgiving dinner.

Today his body is tired- (he was born in 1918) but his light seems so much brighter than ever. Stronger.

Poppi used to scare me when i was little- he would yell loud and he meant it.

Heavens to Betsy- he would shake his head- why would you sit inside and watch TV on a Saturday afternoon? GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY.

We went on road trips- and they were no joke. The Adirondack mountains. Trailer hookups and peanut better sandwiches. Water rides, and fools gold. Baseball cards and solitaire.

He taught me how to drive stick. And to live my life. And that the trick to it is a good laugh, a good song, and fresh wild flowers. (and if all fails, a very tall glass of scotch)

I love sitting with him now- big smile on his face, and one on mine. I have learned well. He beams.

Then he asks me if I would sing for him at his funeral. I died inside and told him that I would gladly sing for him any day of the week. And I broke into "Singin' in the Rain" in the Emergency room at Columbia Memorial.

1975-1990 = forever.

2011-01-04T13:51:00.000-08:00

My big brother was an angel here on earth.

He was only here for 15 years, but to me it was forever.

Eternity in an instant. He taught me that. endlessly rising up despite darkness or fear.
Laughter in the face of sickness
Laughter in the face of death.

He has given me the ultimate gift. light and love through and through. There is nothing else.

In that realization, I recognize his eternity, and my own. And I am so grateful.
Grateful to have known him, and grateful to know this life.

Thank you Quincy, I will love you always.

To pick or pick not.

2010-12-01T16:49:00.000-08:00

At the center of my crossroads grows a daisy. I want it.
and want to be it.

The wind blows and it waves.

I so desire to be the flower. I even strive to be like it in this form of flesh and bones. And that doesn't mean just waving in the wind without purpose.

The flower has more directed purpose than I've ever had, or have ever seen in another human being. Every single day of it's life it strives with all of it's might towards the sun.

The result of this stretching is creation itself. It is magic in a land of rules and walls.

When i strive with every breath I take, with great directed purpose towards that which nourishes me I grow. And who I was just a moment before dies away.

I drop this old shed skin when I rest; when I allow my body to fully exhale and let go.
If I do not rest- I carry around this shell of my former self with me everywhere i go. And my old perceptions linger and haunt me like ghosts.

Someday will be my last. And on that day I want to breath my final breath while striving with all my heart towards the sun as I lay my body down. Otherwise, I might collapse prematurely by the weight of all the dead flowers.

And so I will leave the daisy today to pay homage to it's singular beauty. I want to symbolize it's message of peace.

But deep down I know that tomorow may be another story. I will strive. And i will strive to be less distracted... and to remember to strive.

I know another daisy will wave again at me. And the thought will arise...

"It's much easier to remember the daisy when there's one in your hand"

I will be reminded that am only human. And as long as I walk this path I will most again find my self at a crossroad again wondering... to pick or pick not.

That is the question.

Remember

2010-06-17T02:53:00.000-07:00

I am a woman who is both of my time, and of the past.

I tend to grow nostalgic.

There is a sweetness in my faded photographs.

Reminders of the best of life.

I bring my camera to the beach.

I don't ever want to forget:

The feel of the wind and how it pushes at the water.
And how the water pushes at the rocks, and then they push onto each other.
And my body pushes into the sand.
And the sand pushes back.

nature and me; a neglected love affair ~

2010-06-01T17:25:00.000-07:00

i love to be outside.

surrounded by the sounds of the birds and the bees and the wind through the trees.

whispering and seducing. encouraging me to stretch beyond myself, and reminding me not to fight against the wind.

something about the branches lifts me up which i really need. even here- i hit so many craters.

and then they wave "look up!"

and i wonder why and how i let them go for so long.

theMErevolution

2010-05-01T22:48:00.000-07:00

my life is beautiful- wild and turning. and rocky alot of the time. but this is exactly what i yearned for when i was growing up. i wanted intense love, and to travel. i wanted to create and evolve, and i wanted to be challenged.

i realize now that i have everything i ever wanted. and whenever i feel like i can't handle the turbulence- it dawns on me that maybe i can make myself stronger than i am. you know, i found myself this winter sleeping 9 or even 10 hours well into the afternoon... and still feeling spent when i woke. ~?? that's crazy! how is a girl who is completely exhausted ALL of the time supposed to take on the world?

i know that i've got alot of great things heading my way- and i have no choice but to get my act together... so here i am. ready.

i've been getting busy. really busy. hiking, yoga, good balanced organic food... good supplements, fresh juice and lots of holy basil tea. i've even been getting to sleep before the birds wake up, which is a miracle. and i'm starting to feel alot better. like my self.

next step- bring my self revolution with me on the road. (wish me luck!)
I'll be checking in and posting lots of pictures as i go along...

xXOoNicole

2009-11-22T21:57:00.000-08:00

Blog......Well the radio show went well. I'm happy we were Boston Award Music Nominated. Looking forward to some turkey and some family. I have had a year with a lot of fun in it. Looking back on the pictures of things I can feel it. I can also feel my craving for chocolate kick in...so I'm gone-D

Boston Music Awards Nomination!

2009-11-21T19:02:00.000-08:00

Well guys... (if we didn't have enough to be thankful for this year) we just found out that we have been nominated for by Boston Music Awards for best R&B act of the year!

Wow! Dwight & I are grateful and honored to be recognized among such a pool of talent....

You can check it all out and Vote here

May the cloudiest band win!

xo
n

From the control room

2009-11-12T20:25:00.001-08:00

We are mixing again.... Hell Burns Over You is my new favorite song. It's ridiculous to hear these songs come to life like this. We've still got to pack and drive to NYC tonight...
it's almost midnight.
i'm growing fangs.
they're hot.
-Nicole

good times

2009-08-15T20:10:00.000-07:00

so i'm sitting here with milty3 watching a good old episode of married with children.
bud is really funny. kelly is sexy and funny, and peg is way hotter than i remembered her being.
so just like it is here in brookline tonight, on tv, it's a billion degrees out today.
the family is complaining about the heat. al buys a huge old ww2 german kaiser air conditioner the size of a small car, and has bud hook it up to the city power outside their house.
as a result there's a blackout on their block, and their neighbors come after them with pitchforks and torches. they move their lawn chairs into the supermarket. the manager comes by to ask what they are doing. peg says what does it look like they're doing- they're shopping.
i am reminded of my childhood.

from nicole: snakes on the path

2009-08-13T15:28:00.000-07:00

broken things, rotten things
dead but not forgotten things
you stalk me
and block my way
but can you take my breath away?

it seems
i have the realist dreams
i sacrifice myself to you
body and soul
but through and through?
there's something i can't give to you

i walk along
coal to ash
i wear your skins
you've marked me
you are my trophy
and if it seems as though i love you
it's because i do

from nicole: practice practice practice...

2009-07-21T00:48:00.000-07:00

my finger tips and hands hurt. so does my back sort of- from crouching in the same position for so long... but i am starting to get callouses, which will help.

memorizing james jamerson bass lines- i almost gave up the first time i tried that.
i know that i still suck... but i can imagine being good....and that keeps me going.

i will stick with this....
i will not get distracted and drop it.
i know that it does me little practical good to know how to play 20% of every instrument.
i will practice my damn bass so that i am better equipped to conjure the balls to go out and play it.

my first personal blog... a little late- but right on time

2009-06-30T23:50:00.000-07:00

these are crazy times...

everyone has a voice. everyone has a platform for spreading their opinion, if they so choose.... it's a big shift, and it has happened relatively suddenly....

i think that there is a new distribution of power and influence available to us. a new world.
what i type in here, online, might affect others...

i'm pretty sure no one is reading this now... but who knows about tomorrow??
there is responsibility in this. what i write could be like a sword. or like a kiss.
right? ok. so here we go.

nicole's blog (relationship) rules/vows"
1. lets be honest please- i promise i will never lie to you
2. honesty is important, but not more than love. lets not be hurtful if we can help it.
3. no judgment. i will talk about the stupidest shit sometimes. you can too.

ok... that does it, i think. for now

xo